Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
