Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
