Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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