I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
