He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
