if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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