I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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