In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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