i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
