as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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