It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
