oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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