Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
