'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
