Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's great music for shaving your balls
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Randomize
