i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
