We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
