Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
