**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
