u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
