I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
