Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
