i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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