420 ftw
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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