Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
