one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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