peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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