Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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