Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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