I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
