I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
