Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
