Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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