I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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