At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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