i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
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Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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