There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
