I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
