Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is wine microwaveable?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
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I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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