At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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