i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize