it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
