Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
