I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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