It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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