i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
