Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
