We're facebook friends in real life
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
