He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
