This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
