Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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