genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
