Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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