i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
soo... how was my night?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
