he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
