I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
