I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
