i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
