i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
