Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
