Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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