I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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