I think my fart just growled at me.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
