$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize