i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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