They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
