addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
