Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
