at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
