we have pet lesbian snakes
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
